Football.

Yesterday night, for the first time in my adult life, I played football in the rain.

I know its a romanticized notion, bunch of brawny all-stars playing football in the rains, slathered in mud and then taking a shower with Cinthol soap as a group of nubile angels from heaven watch on and cheer and hoot and sigh.

Bullshit.

Happens only in the mind-numbing skull-splitting ads on TV.

So in reality, we play football every wednesday at this rather nice floodlit, grass-turf near my house. With the Bangalore weather being so un-predictable, some days it rains. Now I have not played football in close to nine years. I am in my 30's - not as fit as I would like to be, but probably a bit ahead of the curve.

But it's pure fun. 90 minutes of grueling exercise that leaves me on an endorphin-high, dog-tired and battered but glowing and radiant at the same time. Probably the most intense work out I get for my carb-inflated, soft body that definitely needs more exercise.

Trust me, in school days I loved football. If there is a sport that I love more than the most revered religion of India (cricket) thats football. I am not crazy - like Man-U stalking, beer guzzling, TV-hugging fan of the game but am more of a world-cup, copa-america, Euro-cup statistics loving, Know only Messi-Ronaldo-Sunil Chetri, watching the biggie matches  or the "Goals!" edition on Star SportsHD kinda fan of the game. But in the school-time, it was more like, all fifteen of us running like headless chickens, scrambling together after that one battered ball all across the field, back and forth, screaming and whooping. It was fun. Not serious.

Here, we still play for fun. But it's serious. It's usually seven-a-side football and wing or defense is where I play. Most teams play in formation; 2-3-2 a balanced one or the more attacking 2-2-3 formation as well. Yesterday we demolished the other side 7-1. I fancied myself to be a decent ball player but I have realized as I have grown older, I have lost the ability to run with the ball for long winded runs. And I'm a bit wary of wading into a scuffle; for fear of twisting an ankle or pulling a hamstring. real fears as we realize this body is not a machine. Sigh.

But still - I think I like this new found love for the game at this age.

Indeed, Joga Bonita People! 

Are you happy in your space?

Now this question actually begs to be dissected before we go ahead and answer it. So you see, the operative words here are - "Happy" and "Your Space".

I will get to "Happy" in just a little while.

Now, "Your Space" - is that a sacred ( a play on 'scared' huh? Do you go to your sacred grove when you are scared and grovelling? Excuse the pun intended!) space of yours where you don't let others tread? A world all by yourself, up on cloud number nine when the moon is up and the stars are bright and you keep consoling yourself that everything will be alright. From where you won't come down tonight and all nights that follows.

Most people know me as a quiet, soft spoken fellow who loves to be left to his own devices ( pun!). I often ask myself, am I introverted? Of late, this has been increasingly true. Or it could just be that I just haven't found the right stimulating company. I am almost always on a race against time as with writing and reading occupying a lion share of my wakey-hours, I really don't focus on much else. So that question you ask yourself is going to be, how comfortable are you letting your guards down once in a while when the moon turns blue. And letting some folks in.

The other part about Happy - now that's a relative term and we all know, on a long enough timeline, everything averages back to the mean or plain simple, evens out. I am happy right now. I am in a soul-searching mode right now. I don't let too many things affect me. People would term me wooden or stoic but am just being that monk in search of zen. There are a countless things that should disturb me but then I look at my time-line and decide, hey that's long enough. and I will get there.

Meanwhile, updates from normal life:

Played No Thanks with some colleagues in office. We braved the quizzical looks from people inside the office and finished two games. Refreshing. The guise is, we are learning optimization through this and other board games :)

Listened to a rather nicely laid out presentation on AI by a team member. Passionate but lacking nuances in engaging the audience.

Signed up for a Creative Problem Solving course on Coursera - which I am determined to stick through with.

Here I pause. and I take a deep breathe in. and I let it out, slowly.
Because life....

is in that pause. 

On my Knees.

Some days am on my knees. Others I can't believe.

Do these terms reek of worship? Do they convey the ceaseless unwavering belief in the Divine Order? Hark, do you believe in Divinity? The One, they claim can wreck havoc with just a snort?

Why am I speaking these terms today, a cloudy September afternoon? 'Coz perhaps I am truly waking up ( Hey! September is here. And Someone woke me up!) I been trying hard to pen a short story - that involves love and divinity. Something about how your fate lines are sribbled squigglies for the Divine Order but they interject. And you probably need the blessings. In this story, am trying to bring in the concepts of mythical or fantastical trying to influence a real life feeling - this boy has for this girl and the extent to which he would go, to ensure they ring true.

It's a work in progress - I hope to wrap it up in a day or two but you know me. Distractions. Laziness supremo. and rest of life keeps intervening. I do have this long weekend free - so maybe, I should get back to it. I promise to post it up here sometime soon.

Till then, get up. Don't just supplicate yourself to a power you've not seen. if you believe, then you will. That's all that matters.