Tuesday, October 27, 2009

No wrinkles, Only Smiles.

I realize it has been like close to some ten-times-haley’s comet-passing-over since I penned down something. Suffice to say, life has been moving on nitro-turbo-boosters.

You would be glad to know I have come back to love all the small things of life.

I sat basking in the early morning rays of sunlight, glinting from between green glades, winking and teasing me, as the light breeze caressed my sleepy face.

I sat listening to the sibilance of myriad of insects going about their day in the woods.

I hummed along as the radio played a stupid mushy love-ballad bollywood-shtyle.

I’m reading one of my school-day-favorite-authors, Gerald Durell. Surprisingly, am cruising along on the book. I have always loved reading up his books, the hilariously funny anecdotes on exotic animals and his mad capers around the world, trying to conserve some of the most adorable fauna.

I’m rediscovering how much fun it is, to finish a book in good time.

To splurge on books.

To wander around the myriad cute little garden-cafĂ©’s in town, tucked away in little obscure corners, away from raucous noisy college-going-wannabe-banglorean-kids.

Drinking jus one cuppa and staring into nothing. With not a thing in the world that can bring a crease onto your forehead. No wrinkles. Only Smiles.

Coz I’m falling into the void again.

It’s funny how you try to measure your life by the things you’ve done and not by the things you want to do. I realize there are a lot more things I would like to do. And for that, my life is very rich and well-lived 

An old acquaintance who was once a good friend, passed away into the shadows and surprisingly, the hurt never came. New friends keep greeting me everyday. But the warmth never shines through from their eyes. I care less.

Coz I found warmth elsewhere.
A warm that suffuses through my soul and never lets the cold touch it again. And it never will, thank God for small mercies in life.

I love my life.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Train-Jack.

What do you get when you mix two of the most critically acclaimed talented actors of Hollywood, a treacherous train-hijack plot, a heady mix of edgy nerve-wracking music that pitches you on the edge of your seat in anticipation of some explosion onscreen, colorful side-characters and an extremely talented director behind the camera panning those taut thriller shots?
You get Taking of Pelham 123.
A potboiler of a thriller, minus the mindless la-transformer style explosions & skimpily clad-Megan fox but a lot more edgier and intelligent and definitely more gripping than ever. John Travolta carries off his role with such ease and panache, that you have to stand up and clap when he almost gets off with the loot at the end of the movie, but then, you clap even louder when Denzel Washington, playing the common man, stuck in a government job, trumps him in the end. Sorry for giving away the plot, but there. Denzel Washington packs in such an amazingly measured performance, of a resilient man, who stands up for his family, an honest train-dispatcher who keeps his wits around him while the whole of New York is sent into a tizzy by the erstwhile-wallstreet-whizkid-turned-terrorist “Mr.Ryder” who nurses a grudge against the system.
This story talks about an honest man, who in spite of having been humiliated and pushed to a corner by the unjust system governing our lives these days, stands up for it, and becomes the Hero for the state of New York by trumping the angst-ridden Wall-Street Swindler in the end.
All said and done, stale story line, common man getting stuck in a rigmarole coz of the government screwing up someone’s life who decides to become an anarchist and takes on a state. But John Travolta and Denzel Washington breathe magic into the characters and the whole slick editing makes the whole film immensely enjoyable. I walked out of the theatre feeling as smug as Denzel Washington, like he’d saved the State of New York and was walking back home to his wife and kids with half a gallon milk in his hands.
Good Movie after long!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Spooky

Have you ever had objects spring to life and spook the beejesus out of you?

Welcome to life after Autobots and Decepticons. Yesterday, the most creepiest thing happened and I kid you not, when I say, my Car CAME TO LIFE!I almost had this Sam-Witwiki-moment in my life, when I thought my heart would jump right through my mouth and I would have to get out of my car and chase it on some bike down Koramangala.

Having parked my car on the side of the road, I was enjoying this breezy conversation with Boddah, rather intense and heady (for want of better words!), it was late night past twelve and the street lights bathing the street in phosphorescent waves. I suddenly feel a slight jerk, I notice the radio is dead. Or was it?
"94.3 stops playing after 12, Dude" Boddah points out.
It's eerie and disconcertingly quiet. and the radio cracks static. and then It happened.

The Car started moving!!

My heart was hammering in my mouth, I looked at my reflection in the overhead mirror, eyes wide open and mouth open in a soundless scream. Then I looked outside. We really were moving!! The streetlight was now behind us and fast moving away!
Locked inside a moving autobot? What if this was a decepticon? My brain had synaptic explosions where fleeting images of Sam being flung out of the moving car and then being chased by a monster police car raced through my head. We just silently sat as the car rolled along, fearful any moment it may roar to life. I looked at the road beside the car, was the plane inclined so? My rational part of the brain, fast dying out, croaked to me, YES of course, but the part rendered immobile and irrational by fear, now a live thing wrapped around my mind like a cloak, refused to see it. I almost could feel the engine slowly come to life.

and Just when I thought, I had lost my mind, the car stopped. and it stopped exactly at the same spot, under this huge shady tree, where something monumental had happened about two weeks back in my life. I looked at the tree, I looked back at the car dash. All needles down, no movement, no life. But it was as if the car knew. The Car Knew!!!
I shout Hallelujah, my breathing comes back to normal. "Creepy ride, huh Boddah?" I'm sure he would have agreed. "The Car Knows, Sach. It understands you better than yourself" Boddah replied. I smiled and shook my head...Nonsense. and Yet, I knew at the back of my heart, he was right. The car seemed to feel my pulse. My desires. and it spooked the living daylights out of me. To be confronted so. I winked at Boddah.
"Time to go home."

Post Script: Boddah is my imaginary childhood friend with whom I always have long conversations at cross roads of life. He was also Kurt Cobain's childhood imaginary friend.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Fuzzy Disoriented Inc.

Pre-Script: Yes, you're doing a peek-a-boo into the state of my mind.
Those undying stygian depths never before explored. and This one goes out to someone who dared. and who has managed to fuel up a lot of things left untouched and discarded in the corner of that dark attic inside my mind. It was like opening a pandora's box, except the last thing coming out may not be necessarily hope. You're forewarned!

Okay, moving onto sunny side up of mua C'est la vie, I did a round of the dreaded sweat-soaked humidity-ridden Metro called Chennai last weekend. My first social kind of visit in a long time to this city often derided by most of my friends (non-chennaites of course!)for being what it is. and Surprise, surprise, I think I kind of liked the city. I realize, the city is what it's people make it to be. and you spend a day or two in the company of true blue chennai lovers, you might still like it! The social infrastructure of any city that would help me blend in and embrace me in like a long lost son, now I think I can live in any such place on Gaia. ( Oh that's Mother Earth, I tend to get flashy at times, humble apologies.)

Fortunately for me, that ways, I seem to be blessed with friends. the Good Kinds, I just never saw them for a long time blinded by the pox called Love. Which thankfully has long died out. and I never intend to be afflicted again.

3 Days in Chennai wasnt bad at all. The Weather Gods decided to be friendly ( What can I say, my charm works in most places)it was pleasant weather, cloudy and NOT sunny. but that dinn help with the humidity which was the killer. Bathing twice a day might not even keep you from feeling clean. I think the first 2 days I musta lost 3 Kgs of my body weight sweating. Was staying put with Dr.M, and hence, came back enriched with a lotta medico jargons and names of prescriptions and wierd afflictions, thanks to his non-stop lectures on anything under the sun which he could twist to sound incongrously disease-like. For a wannabe-God-with-Scalpel, I'd say he talks too much.
Beach-bopping was fun, it rained like crazy the evening we decided to head out to the beach. Finding walking space was treacherous, with the sands teeming with the weekend-chennai-crowd having flocked down to watch the goddamn sunset at sea. But thankfully, Rain Gods decided to clear us some space and everybody fled when this alien thing ( Otherwise known as RAIN in other cities) poured down from the sky. People ran, screaming and flailing thier hands for cover, we naturally followed the crowds ( Rem, when in Rome, do the romans..err..be like them rather) We picked up this Barista. Thinking thats the best thing that happened to you on a rainy day at the beach ? Duh! Wrong! this place was smaller than Ratatouille's paradise and was so crowded that I had some four people jostle me in turns and made me pour my latte down my shirt front.
So later when the Rain Gods got bored and I finally decided to taste the spray of the ocean on my face, Me and M. legged it to the sandy stretches, overlooking the litter-ridden areas and the hawkers hawking God-knows-what-all (I suspect one of them was even selling "Poombukkar" shining from beneath Jockey and Haenes-with the extra 'e' merchandise) M. looked at me and shrugged. "Globalisation, apparently has even struck the fishermen folk, They would only wear such brands now!"
I was happily watching the waves crash and race each other to the shores. Then I noticed I was getting the looks from a lot of people, I as usual, put it down to maybe I was a little over-dressed for a beach evening by Chennai standards and tried to give back the girls a coy smile. Then to my horror, i noticed the lookers werent restricted to the female gender. M. nudged me and said "It's your shirt. It's a designer look with that graphic coffee splash across the front."
I groaned, but could not help that much. Light coffee riddled with Hazelnut syrup all over my t-shirt front.
The Beach was peaceful. The moon playing hide and seek with those black clouds bearing up and down in the sky like battering rams, the lilting breeze ( Olfactory adaptation took care of the strong smell of rotting fish that assaulted our senses early on) After that, caught up with other friends, ex-colleagues from Wipro and tried out Chettinaddu food for dinner. Oh friday was indulgence, when the Boys invaded the kitchen and whipped up an amazingly palatable chicken dish. We are proud! M who had never ever seen the insides of a kitchen ( am not kidding!) now feels that any girl who claims she does not know cooking deserves one tight slap backhanded. Cooking is extremely therapeutic according to Doc.
Oh But the best day was reserved for the last of course!
When I did finally catch up with true blue Chennai-tes. So A. one of my recently good friends who's fast broken into my circle, decided she has to take me to the "Good Places" in Chennai and make me experience the city's old world rustic charm. We catch up outside one of those swanky malls (a little run-down by UB City standards but hey, Chennai is kinda old). I had this travelogue clutched tightly in my hand, that I thought she'd adore and an exasperated look on my face 'coz the city-heat was playing havoc with my clothes and looks (that I'd much deliberated on!). So she finally turned up, struggling to avoid the maverick-auto drivers, she parked her red Honda city near the pavement next to where I'm, with a bright wide smile on her face. I notice her eyes are lined black-kohl, and she's kinda put on some wierd eye-liner color just above that! Sigh!
Conversation on the lines of "hi Barbie" "Hi Ken" "Need a Ride?" "Sure!" "Jump right in" were dispensed with, we drive out listening to some eclectic mix of music that she claimed her brother had messed up with on her CD. She kept profusely apologizing for the delay, talking non-stop nineteen to dozen about various happenings in her life while I listen with a bemused but polite smile with the right grunts. Man, I realize at some levels, people are uncannily similar! A. would never divulge anything in her mind and can keep talking trivial stuff all her life. and one would only scratch the surface of that mystery. How, so like ME!
So we head to this beautiful garden heritage cafe, lush green and good-looking crowd spread out on summer and lounge chairs. We sip latte and a lotta good clean air, laden with effortless conversation about olden days at ISB, eternal cribs about non-existent girl/boyfriends and stalkers. She's visibly excited about showing me this favorite haunt of hers, and drags me inside on a tour of the exotic jewelery/clothes for sale inside. Am awed, smitten by how much a girl would invest her time on all these pursuits. In the middle, she would swoon and whisper something, proclaiming her longing for some particularly ghastly-looking metallic jewelery of which I know jack-shit about and I would nod seriously. But I must admit I came back enriched by a peek into a girl's world of jewelry and kalanjali-shtyle tops :)
We next thought would go catch up with another of our batchmates from college, but then I hit upon this ingenious idea of me wanting to get a saree for dear old Mom. She obliges of course, we swing by another of her favorite haunts, Shilpi much like our Fab India Joints in Bangalore and embark on a saree-selecting mission. Extremely difficult, mind you as I know as much about Sarees as much as I think a girl would know about the Duckworth-Lewis method in cricket, but brave me, gives it a try. and I told you, am charmed. Drunk on Felix Felicis (Liquid Luck from Harry Potter, you less-nerdy one!) I sift through tonnes of kanjeevaram silk and cotton, guided of course by dear sweet A. behind me. I finally decide I like a black and red cotton-silk one, A. is impressed by the speed and accuracy of the transaction. I decide its been a long time since I really got anything for my mom and Onam is round the corner. A. is like, wait, lets check it out properly na. She proceeds to model the same, I thought she looked extremely ravishing in that seven yards of silk smiling to myself. I nod yes, this is the ONE I been searching all my life baby! For this, am awarded the epithet of being the best shopping companion ever and for ever, to be shopping with her when in Bangalore. $%#%$!!!! (my reaction, ending with WOW!)
Anyways, after this, was catching up with another batchmate of ours at yet another Garden Cafe ( Intellectual Hot Spots as Dr.M terms it!) very interesting conversations over Club Sandwiches and hot chocolate. That reminded A. there was this new place opened up, a sinful indulgence for all chocolate-lovers. Next trip on agenda, this gelatino-chocolat place. Dissapointingly small and ridiculously out-of-ice-creams at 8 o'clock in the night. Then S. suddenly pointed out that I'd not seen the temples in Chennai. Watte Shame! So we decided to go check out the nearest one, so that I can lay my demons inside to rest. It was unbelievably cute, to be doing the rounds of a temple with A. While S. quickly dissapeared doing multiple rounds of the temple, I was left confused with A. I had not been inside a temple ever since my 20th Birthday if I remember right. After having prayed before the central deity, smart me decides to shadow the knowledgeable one. And with a happy blissful smile, completed the pradikshinas of the temple with her, praying for happiness and companionship. Grin!!
Well, that kinda concluded the Chennai trip, with she dropping me back that night and me taking an early morning train back to Banglore ( seen off by Faithful Dr.M). I decided I'd exactly fallen in love, but I think I will definitely give this city one more chance. The drive on the East-Coast-Road next to the beach is pending. and a lot more other things of course.
But for now, am glad am back in banglore, enjoying God's blessings and an unbeatably amazing weather keeps me company....
Adios Amigo for now.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Finally

Yes. I finished it. Deadhouse Gates. and Man, is it not Mindblowing!! On the horizon, there awakens yet another God, Steven Erikson,You've been elevated to the status of God alongside Tolkien. No more a Demi-God, you have become an Ascendant for me.

Today, I travel to Chennai. Without any purpose. Catching up with School mates, College friends, ex-colleagues, ex-crushes, and of course the confidante of the midnight calls.

To clean my heart of all the misgivings it has been subject to over the past year. To lay it all down over that shot of cheap vodka, to be washed down by generous dollops of black coffee to take care of the long talks and consciousness.

Oh thank god for Friends, for making my world go round.

and yes, thanks to an obstinately persistent fan, I think I'm inspired to finish my book. and Steven Erikson helped of course! Long live the Fallen Empire of Malazan.

The Rainbow shall live yet again. and Jake shall find love, I promise.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Nonsense

For quite sometime, I realize most of what I write makes zilch sense when I come back and read the same. It's momentary rantings made caustic by daily happenings that last for a few hours and which needs immediate catharsis. and hence the rant. Quite stupid.
Today I took off from work on a whim. Just to feel what a mid-week holiday feels like. Cant quite tell you it feels like heaven. Not even close. It was drab and boring and I spent most of it sleeping away. The only worthwhile highlight of the day being I took out my car for a spin, and drove all the way to my bro's place and got to play with my nephew. And Yes I finally got those potted plants that I been longing for ages now. Now the house shall see more green!

Did I tell you, I got these Voodoo dolls, a pair of them on my study table ? I got them in 2002. I still retain them, but sadly one of them porcelain dark grey dolls broke. and guess which one? The one with the crying face! Wonder if God's giving me hints :) Grin!!
Peace out. I shall get back to Deadhouse Gates, I think the longest I've ever taken to finish a book, it's fantastically gripping and yet I'm not able to finish the same!!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Before it's too late

One of my friends, Ms.Psycho-Babble happened to describe me thus;

"You seem to be happy, but you know, somewhere you always have that tragic aura around you!"

Hold on before it's too late. I am searching for the truth, wandering among the fiction. I don't know why it sends me scuttling for cover each time someone tries to figure me out inside. It's sacrilege to scurry into the stygian depths of my mind, people don't read hints. It's amazing some hurts never mend. Even when I think I'm the newt with new skin, the scars burn up. Damn!

Okay, enough of mindless meandering.
For now, We do the following:
1. We focus on the book, Jake and Alice and the rest of the Guntotters.
2. We enjoy sights of Megan Fox scampering around in skimpy dresses and wait fervently for the next installments of Autobots and T-101's.
3. We eagerly wait for good friends come down from all corners of the globe to make your life happy!! GRIN!
4. We plan trips to exotic locales.
5. We thrive on mind numbingly kick-ass music.

And who knows, this could still be real world we enjoy. Shadows burn, but I don't care. Somewhere I know, that I'm not all alone. This bated breath I hold, willing my lungs not to explode. I walk to the edge and wait for those purple liveried clouds to come take me away.
"This too shall pass" - Psychobabble.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Budday Buddy

To M.
He turns 27 today. My oldest friend, and amazingly still my best friend. One of the craziest louts in the world who’s stood by me through thick and thin. One who dared to follow his dream while I deterred from that path. A self made person, who’s been defying all the odds to still stick to it and yet have that sparkle in his eyes.
We grew up together, having known each other from Class II. He shares all the bad qualities with me (being the quintessential Gemini, and yet being far removed from that star sign!) and like me, has undergone lotta ups and downs in life that’s embittered him and yet left him tempered and strong. Among others, a painful heartbreak ( I told ye, he’s a mirror image of mine in a lot of ways) and a struggling career yet to hit the accelerator, but am sure he’s gonna hit it big. Doctor by profession (The first in my friends’ circle and the only one that I think I need! Ahem maybe the second, if the girl I get hitched to turns out to be one of those hapless doctors. Grin!), he’s passionate about cutting up people. And vows to learn everything about the intricacies of the human anatomy. In spite of being the drop-dead handsome hunk, he still hasn’t hitched up after the heartbreak ( I told you, he’s a mirror image yet again!) and of late, studies from day break until night fall, straight 16 hours a day. I have personally never seen a diligently crazier persistent fellow, and I sincerely pray, he cracks his dreams this time around.
To M. For being the man he is. Half of what I can only aspire to be.
To the best of friendship. All those rare binge sessions we’ve had, blitzed out of our skulls on fire and water, the times spent on Kottakunnu gazing at nothing but the clouds, the science institute classes, the ‘chakkars’ at School and lots more to come.
Dude, You the Man!! Happy Budday Buddy.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Tribute.

In the morning, wake me up! And tell me everything.
So that I can understand your world and you can understand my dreams. Yeah I could be everywhere, and yes, you can be there with me anytime! But no, I just want to be a ghost and be everywhere, see everything. Be everything.

No one’s perfect. But no, I ain’t giving that lame line of I’m no one. I am one among you. Faceless, nameless. Floating. A Vapor that passes you by and you would never get a whiff of me. But I still know that it’s you.

Who’re they? The inimitable collective whom we blame for everything because we ain’t man enough to take it on our frail shoulders?

Oh bliss!! To be smashed out of your brains. To be blown away into that kingdom. Of lovely maidens, clear blue skies, white pearly beaches, green gentle waves lapping up the sands, and of the school of multi-colored exotic fishes that nibble at your fingers, the birds throating it in full glory.

So C’mon Y’all Let’s take this town. Let’s get away. Like a Child I must believe in all this. And hence this shot to the head. To get away. Everyone of you, let’s put our worry down, Stand up on your feet and let’s all chant
“Long Live the Absinthe! Long live the Green Fairy!”

Oh Bliss. To shut out this world for a while and swim in my dreams!

Note: Blitzed out of my skull on the weekend. Having killed all my slower cells, fully-functional and non-delusional, firing on all cylinders.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Unnamed.

* This post is not named. For reasons undiscovered. Undisclosed. *

Yesterday I felt the moon was larger and closer to the earth than ever. A beautiful full yellow orb dotted and splotched with pockmarks and yet glowing bright and unfazed on the dark city. I was riding back from my bro's place, and had just about come up on the overbridge, the point where the bridge starts to dip down. and could see the entire city laid out in a star-lit splendor below me. Shimmering lights that winked back at me till the end of sight. and rising up on the left of me, was the full gibbous face of the moon, wreathed in smiley lines and serenely smiling on, like a buddhist monk. I had the wind blow into my face and I swear, I had never ever felt more alive.

I think I likes this.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Meadering

Life still is sluggish, dead slow train chugging, one of those cumbersome leviathan giants half sleepy and bearing ignominy of being the ancestors to the Sloth. ( No, PETA dont pelt me! That rhymed now, dinn it? PETA DONT PELT ME !)

So I get up and I switch on the radio to listen to Daughtry crooning, "am going home, the place where I belong", and I get this brainwave that I definitely need a break. To rejuvenate and renew things up. Fuel up. coz I suspect my life's become so much like the Narrator in Fight Club.

Hey listen I don’t wanna sound like this whiny bottomless pit of neediness, but yet, the listlessness does get to you. So coming back to our Narrator,
Am Jack's uninspired lazy pregnant cat on the porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy sunday afternoon. That’s how lame I feel these days. (Man, I love the metaphor) A purpose. That’s what am searching for.
My SM reads “Searching for my own Xibalba” For the uninitiated to the ways of Darren Aranofsky ( acclaimed eccentric genius, gave us the brilliant Requiem for a Dream) Xibalba, according to the Mayan Legends it’s the underworld, the place where dead souls go to be reborn.
So I just might come back a new person, reborn and detoxified. Jubilant and full of life.
So long, then and thanks for all that fish ( never ever gimme fish, I hate that!) Wish me luck as I gaze for my own dying star, which will explode and give birth to a countless million points of light in the sky and help me get out this drudgery.

*Sighs* * Perks up. Needtcha pack, Am going home. Place where I always belonged*

Sunday, March 1, 2009

over the weekend

- Did Theatre workshop on story-telling , Rahul reaffirms he's a rockstar *was KickASS* Would'nt have missed it for anything!

- Met quite a few interesting people , including a stunner of a doc (M.D, California) who riddled me in spanish and medical terms. *I am smitten and am thinking of going to California/ruiing the fact that I dropped out of my spanish classes after 3 sessions*

- Got interviewed by Deccan Chronicle Journalist for article in Metro Life *Fellow-actor now absolutely 'fida' over her blinding smile*

- Got commended on my outstanding story-telling skills and narrative for the final performance. * The doc being prime competition of course *

- Got a scary mask for a housewarming gift by friends * most unusual but kept it*

- Went bowling and bought coffee-table book on *COCKTAILS* - Now needs to buy the jigger and the shaker. Smile!

- Spent sometime discussing life in one of those dimly lit pubs with lotta noise and racket around, with a friend * and NO I wasn't buzzed *

- Spent a lotta time discussing movies, music, and trying to fit in missing pieces of my confused life with this adorable 'newly-found' friend on the phone *Smiles and winks*

- Got treated to lunch (sat) at this bollywood theme restaurant * apparently missed running into my colleague who was sitting next to my table and claimed to have called out to me. I needtcha get my ears checked now *

- Had this AWESOME'est Breakfast at CTR, a can't-miss-authentic-bangalorean-experience with Bro, Bhabhi, Nephew and Bro's close friends.

- ISB Alumni Lunch * as usual exchanging drab pleasantaries pulling on this mask, sigh *

- Chatted with Mom over my future prospects, warding off proposals. * now am going home personally to convince her! Smiles *

Absolutely whirlwind. Kickass. Leg............wait for it...here it comes...Gendary!!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Spaaa...ced..O.....Ouuuuut

Some days are cold and dark.
When the shutters and blinds just refuse to go up.
And I’m content to just lie and let the dark wash over. I’m so lazy. I realize I haven’t worked on my pet project since the past two weeks, all I been doing is indulging myself, doing up the house(?! Its become quite passĂ© to mention, you are busy buying stuff for the new place. For crying out loud’s sake, you moved in since Jan!) Watching stupid Marvel Movies like Punisher or scouring social networking sites. Its when this sense of self dejection takes over that you start searching for self esteem in virtual life and try to adapt to something that never is.
Okay, am cruising somewhere outside the solar system trying to find replacement for Pluto. I shall write when am back.
Keep dreaming of those grey blue eyes and I shall come back to haunt. Love and respect.

when I woke up to the Coffee

Yesterday morning one of my friends [fondly called ‘patch’ by allegedly some people! Ahem! To me she remains the Captain Ditchpot for a thousand fold reasons!!] called up after ages, going bonkers on me for a call that lasted eleven long minutes.
[Conversations with self: I think I should stop trying to analyze psyche. Some people are one helluva complex puzzle which you ought not to touch with a 7-foot long barge pole ]
She directed me to this amazing blog, called Coffee and Stories, a very earnest attempt to write engaging pieces which attempts to capture slices of our everyday life. Very earnestly written, stories that you wanna lose yourself in, simply because you actually walk in the shoes of those unlucky protagonists. Fantastically brutal revelations of the mind that go beyond the ordinary levels and still stays very true to life. And invariably you finish the stories with a eerie melancholic yearning in your mind when you look up from the blog. I liked his style. No beat around the bush. Cut straight to the chase! true the characters are not always the best etched out and he’s actually left out corners and ends to be fleshed out later, but in a short story, you can only wield the brush for so long. But guess am truly a fan.
Thanks Captain Ditchpot!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunrise

It was that time of the day when we are usually dead to the world. And are missing the most glorious sights ever he could behold on good earth. Sunrise.

Forever and ever
The dark of the night
The bright of the dawn


But today was different. Because today I was awake and never felt so alive. We walked towards the edge of the cliff in silence, an unbroken faith that bound us to each other. Grass that sprouted in yesterday’s storm lined the path. Green and sparkling, with precious little silver droplets of dew that threatened to spill and break. Just like crystal vases. As beautiful and as precious. The wet red mud smelt of yesterday’s rain. Of Heaven. Or as much as that, coz I have never been to Heaven. This, I thought, was the closest I would ever be. Completely suffused in a beautifully amiable silence that shrouded us from the rest of the world, I stood close behind her. Her eyes were unfocussed gazing at the beautiful glorious orange that was spilling over the dark skies. Bathing the world in a spectacular sunrise signaling the start of a brand new day. There was something about the sight of those fluffy white clouds borne up on golden halos that brightened up one’s heart like nothing else did. And loosened the heart strings.

I looked at her, eyes closed, heaving chest that fell with deep relaxed breathes and a lazy dreamy smile playing around her lips. Man! My heart caught in my mouth. I could feel something shifty trying to work its way up my throat. And escape through my lips. The beats going into overdrive.

Forever and ever
I’ll stay here with you ’til the end of the storm


Her eyes flew open at that moment and caught me staring at her. I quickly looked away, and come up with a fake yawn, trying to stifle the same. I stretch and look noncommittal.

Sure, I did this everyday. Watch the sunrise with a very pretty girl. No big deal this, huh!


“Good morning S.”
I look back at her like I was noticing her for the first time.
Fill up fake boredom in voice. Go
“Hello! Top of the morning!”
“What you thinking?”
“Huh?”
“C’mon!” Damn you mind reading species!
“I like sunrises. I rarely ever see them.”
“Ahem...and?”
And what? Oh you dogged doggy on a juicy bone, have mercy will ye!

“And nothing A.”
“You were smiling. And thinking something!”
“Bungee jumping!

Sometimes my mouth shot off even before I started forming thought processes in mind. Bungee Jumping? For f**k’s sake! Why don’t you tell her you like her? That she’s so achingly beautiful that you sometimes forget to breathe? That you still smell her perfume lingering in the air hours after she’s left? That the first thing you miss in the morning when you wake up, is the way she crinkles up her nose and calls you a duffer? That…that…you’re probably head over heels in love with this angel.
Bungee Jumping? Can I just throw myself off this cliff?

I’m slipping into the lava
And I’m trying to keep from going under
Baby who turned the temperature hotter?
‘cause I’m burning up, burning up for you baby!

Her face twisted in a grimace, then she grinned, crinkling up her nose. “You duffer!”
That was the trigger. The stopper came off and now the words gushed out, on their own accord.

“Okay, well, the truth is I am glad am doing this with you. I have no idea why I find this the most amazing thing that am doing in a long time. And I’m feeling good about this. Pretty damn good. Like am drowning in a new feeling and yet I’ve never felt so free. Am glad we are friends, best of friends. Today though, I think its something new. I have felt this way before but never felt so sure. So good. A., no one gets to me like you do. I just wanted to tell you so you know. That I think, I am falling in love with you.”

It was perhaps the longest speech of my young life. My mind cleared of the hazy fog and cobwebs. I really wanted to bungee jump now. But come back! Crash into me, will you!
As the sun rays slowly spread over the world, waking up birds twittering like crazy all around us on the hills, I waited with bated breath. The longest pause in my life.

Her face was shrouded in the shadows as she stood against the light, but as the golden splendor sped across the hills, it lit up. A slow smile brightened her features. I could feel the sun on my face, warm and nice. And then she nodded slowly, as her hands slipped effortlessly into mine. Snug and warm. No words needed. It was as easy as that. I could not stop smiling. Now I really wanted to do that jump. But not alone. Not anymore buster. I was in love!
We both stood on top of the hill, back to the world, completely suffused and ensconced in a comfortable camaraderie, oblivious to everything else but the lovely morning and the new storm that I knew raged both our fragile mind-spaces.

I don’t care what you think, but I am ready for that plunge today. Are you?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Starting Over Again

"Starting Over"

Someday soon,
I'm gonna pull myself together,
Win or lose,
I'm starting over again..

Start this day,
Like any other day,
Fold my hands,
As I begin to pray,
Sometimes we,
Gotta throw the past aside,
Come what may,
I'm gonna open up my eyes,
To all my broken feelings,
Its the only road I've known,
I just wanna say to you..

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same,
I'm starting over..

In days gone by, I was hiding from myself,
In all those lies, and the truth was hard to tell,
But I will try, to turn my life around,
I'll close my eyes so I can finally see..

The road to all my broken feelings,
It's the only one I've known,
I just wanna say to you..

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same..
You were my heart,
You were my soul,
You were my breath,
Til I grow old,
You were my blood,
You were my bones,
How could you ever leave me alone,

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same..
I just wanna say to you..

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same..

Dont get me wrong, I love my life. and I am soo in love with Blood Stained Love Stories. am a sucker for them I guess Grin!!!

Always. And Forever

I pick myself off the floor, and then you tell me, I’m done with you. You don’t realize the blood all over your hands, was this all a part of your plans? I love you, I hate you, I just can’t live without you. I hear voices in my head, telling me don’t be so blind. But then I guess I’m done with you and I still don’t quite get it.
Never. Quite.
The whispers grow incessant. And as I walk out of the door, all I can hear is the same. I ask you even as the sounds grow louder. And curiously, they all resemble the slamming of doors. In all directions, of glass shattering and imploding in on me. I instinctively raise my hands to ward off the exploding shards, then I realize it’s just me. And nothing all around for miles. I need to come to terms with this shroud of solitude being wrapped around my consciousness. And I concur in silence. That I’m done with you, aye.

- Inspired by Always (International Radio Edit): Saliva (Alternative Rock)