Some days are foggy. When reason fails to cut through the clutter.
And I question the purpose of existence. For a larger picture, that someone above is languidly painting on my black and white canvas of a life. I keep wondering when He is going to dip his brush into that pot of bright poster colors (kept open and drying fast beside Him) and splash across my canvas. To bring it alive in an explosion of multi colored hues and shades. And to this day, I keep waiting.
As usual, am in the middle of a transition period in life. And as usual, faced with ponderous life-threatening decisions to make, I am indeed confused. As would any youngling in his impressionable twenties trying to tie down the loose ends of his life, would rightfully be. And Lord, lend me strength to make that right decision.
Today was yet another blotch on my existence. When the guilt that I have not been productive and not contributed to the well being of the other six-billion creatures who walk this earth with me, is slowly threatening to swallow my soul.
I pass time by trying to draft that perfect “separation” notice letter to my employer, praying this does not end in another of those blood baths. (too much blood have I been witness to) I am happy, I am gonna be doing something I love. The lure of greenbacks is hard to resist again. Which doesn’t hurt of course.
And what gnaws at the back of my mind? That I would displease someone whom I really don’t give a rat’s backside about? Somebody pin down that black shadow of a doubt and execute it for me please. I cannot bear to think straight with that hooded assassin (of reason? of logic?) lurking in the back of my mind. Help!
From flames to dust,
Lovers to Friends,
Why do all good things come to an end?
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