Unnamed.

* This post is not named. For reasons undiscovered. Undisclosed. *

Yesterday I felt the moon was larger and closer to the earth than ever. A beautiful full yellow orb dotted and splotched with pockmarks and yet glowing bright and unfazed on the dark city. I was riding back from my bro's place, and had just about come up on the overbridge, the point where the bridge starts to dip down. and could see the entire city laid out in a star-lit splendor below me. Shimmering lights that winked back at me till the end of sight. and rising up on the left of me, was the full gibbous face of the moon, wreathed in smiley lines and serenely smiling on, like a buddhist monk. I had the wind blow into my face and I swear, I had never ever felt more alive.

I think I likes this.

Meadering

Life still is sluggish, dead slow train chugging, one of those cumbersome leviathan giants half sleepy and bearing ignominy of being the ancestors to the Sloth. ( No, PETA dont pelt me! That rhymed now, dinn it? PETA DONT PELT ME !)

So I get up and I switch on the radio to listen to Daughtry crooning, "am going home, the place where I belong", and I get this brainwave that I definitely need a break. To rejuvenate and renew things up. Fuel up. coz I suspect my life's become so much like the Narrator in Fight Club.

Hey listen I don’t wanna sound like this whiny bottomless pit of neediness, but yet, the listlessness does get to you. So coming back to our Narrator,
Am Jack's uninspired lazy pregnant cat on the porch swing idly swatting at a fly on a lazy sunday afternoon. That’s how lame I feel these days. (Man, I love the metaphor) A purpose. That’s what am searching for.
My SM reads “Searching for my own Xibalba” For the uninitiated to the ways of Darren Aranofsky ( acclaimed eccentric genius, gave us the brilliant Requiem for a Dream) Xibalba, according to the Mayan Legends it’s the underworld, the place where dead souls go to be reborn.
So I just might come back a new person, reborn and detoxified. Jubilant and full of life.
So long, then and thanks for all that fish ( never ever gimme fish, I hate that!) Wish me luck as I gaze for my own dying star, which will explode and give birth to a countless million points of light in the sky and help me get out this drudgery.

*Sighs* * Perks up. Needtcha pack, Am going home. Place where I always belonged*

over the weekend

- Did Theatre workshop on story-telling , Rahul reaffirms he's a rockstar *was KickASS* Would'nt have missed it for anything!

- Met quite a few interesting people , including a stunner of a doc (M.D, California) who riddled me in spanish and medical terms. *I am smitten and am thinking of going to California/ruiing the fact that I dropped out of my spanish classes after 3 sessions*

- Got interviewed by Deccan Chronicle Journalist for article in Metro Life *Fellow-actor now absolutely 'fida' over her blinding smile*

- Got commended on my outstanding story-telling skills and narrative for the final performance. * The doc being prime competition of course *

- Got a scary mask for a housewarming gift by friends * most unusual but kept it*

- Went bowling and bought coffee-table book on *COCKTAILS* - Now needs to buy the jigger and the shaker. Smile!

- Spent sometime discussing life in one of those dimly lit pubs with lotta noise and racket around, with a friend * and NO I wasn't buzzed *

- Spent a lotta time discussing movies, music, and trying to fit in missing pieces of my confused life with this adorable 'newly-found' friend on the phone *Smiles and winks*

- Got treated to lunch (sat) at this bollywood theme restaurant * apparently missed running into my colleague who was sitting next to my table and claimed to have called out to me. I needtcha get my ears checked now *

- Had this AWESOME'est Breakfast at CTR, a can't-miss-authentic-bangalorean-experience with Bro, Bhabhi, Nephew and Bro's close friends.

- ISB Alumni Lunch * as usual exchanging drab pleasantaries pulling on this mask, sigh *

- Chatted with Mom over my future prospects, warding off proposals. * now am going home personally to convince her! Smiles *

Absolutely whirlwind. Kickass. Leg............wait for it...here it comes...Gendary!!

Spaaa...ced..O.....Ouuuuut

Some days are cold and dark.
When the shutters and blinds just refuse to go up.
And I’m content to just lie and let the dark wash over. I’m so lazy. I realize I haven’t worked on my pet project since the past two weeks, all I been doing is indulging myself, doing up the house(?! Its become quite passé to mention, you are busy buying stuff for the new place. For crying out loud’s sake, you moved in since Jan!) Watching stupid Marvel Movies like Punisher or scouring social networking sites. Its when this sense of self dejection takes over that you start searching for self esteem in virtual life and try to adapt to something that never is.
Okay, am cruising somewhere outside the solar system trying to find replacement for Pluto. I shall write when am back.
Keep dreaming of those grey blue eyes and I shall come back to haunt. Love and respect.

when I woke up to the Coffee

Yesterday morning one of my friends [fondly called ‘patch’ by allegedly some people! Ahem! To me she remains the Captain Ditchpot for a thousand fold reasons!!] called up after ages, going bonkers on me for a call that lasted eleven long minutes.
[Conversations with self: I think I should stop trying to analyze psyche. Some people are one helluva complex puzzle which you ought not to touch with a 7-foot long barge pole ]
She directed me to this amazing blog, called Coffee and Stories, a very earnest attempt to write engaging pieces which attempts to capture slices of our everyday life. Very earnestly written, stories that you wanna lose yourself in, simply because you actually walk in the shoes of those unlucky protagonists. Fantastically brutal revelations of the mind that go beyond the ordinary levels and still stays very true to life. And invariably you finish the stories with a eerie melancholic yearning in your mind when you look up from the blog. I liked his style. No beat around the bush. Cut straight to the chase! true the characters are not always the best etched out and he’s actually left out corners and ends to be fleshed out later, but in a short story, you can only wield the brush for so long. But guess am truly a fan.
Thanks Captain Ditchpot!

Sunrise

It was that time of the day when we are usually dead to the world. And are missing the most glorious sights ever he could behold on good earth. Sunrise.

Forever and ever
The dark of the night
The bright of the dawn


But today was different. Because today I was awake and never felt so alive. We walked towards the edge of the cliff in silence, an unbroken faith that bound us to each other. Grass that sprouted in yesterday’s storm lined the path. Green and sparkling, with precious little silver droplets of dew that threatened to spill and break. Just like crystal vases. As beautiful and as precious. The wet red mud smelt of yesterday’s rain. Of Heaven. Or as much as that, coz I have never been to Heaven. This, I thought, was the closest I would ever be. Completely suffused in a beautifully amiable silence that shrouded us from the rest of the world, I stood close behind her. Her eyes were unfocussed gazing at the beautiful glorious orange that was spilling over the dark skies. Bathing the world in a spectacular sunrise signaling the start of a brand new day. There was something about the sight of those fluffy white clouds borne up on golden halos that brightened up one’s heart like nothing else did. And loosened the heart strings.

I looked at her, eyes closed, heaving chest that fell with deep relaxed breathes and a lazy dreamy smile playing around her lips. Man! My heart caught in my mouth. I could feel something shifty trying to work its way up my throat. And escape through my lips. The beats going into overdrive.

Forever and ever
I’ll stay here with you ’til the end of the storm


Her eyes flew open at that moment and caught me staring at her. I quickly looked away, and come up with a fake yawn, trying to stifle the same. I stretch and look noncommittal.

Sure, I did this everyday. Watch the sunrise with a very pretty girl. No big deal this, huh!


“Good morning S.”
I look back at her like I was noticing her for the first time.
Fill up fake boredom in voice. Go
“Hello! Top of the morning!”
“What you thinking?”
“Huh?”
“C’mon!” Damn you mind reading species!
“I like sunrises. I rarely ever see them.”
“Ahem...and?”
And what? Oh you dogged doggy on a juicy bone, have mercy will ye!

“And nothing A.”
“You were smiling. And thinking something!”
“Bungee jumping!

Sometimes my mouth shot off even before I started forming thought processes in mind. Bungee Jumping? For f**k’s sake! Why don’t you tell her you like her? That she’s so achingly beautiful that you sometimes forget to breathe? That you still smell her perfume lingering in the air hours after she’s left? That the first thing you miss in the morning when you wake up, is the way she crinkles up her nose and calls you a duffer? That…that…you’re probably head over heels in love with this angel.
Bungee Jumping? Can I just throw myself off this cliff?

I’m slipping into the lava
And I’m trying to keep from going under
Baby who turned the temperature hotter?
‘cause I’m burning up, burning up for you baby!

Her face twisted in a grimace, then she grinned, crinkling up her nose. “You duffer!”
That was the trigger. The stopper came off and now the words gushed out, on their own accord.

“Okay, well, the truth is I am glad am doing this with you. I have no idea why I find this the most amazing thing that am doing in a long time. And I’m feeling good about this. Pretty damn good. Like am drowning in a new feeling and yet I’ve never felt so free. Am glad we are friends, best of friends. Today though, I think its something new. I have felt this way before but never felt so sure. So good. A., no one gets to me like you do. I just wanted to tell you so you know. That I think, I am falling in love with you.”

It was perhaps the longest speech of my young life. My mind cleared of the hazy fog and cobwebs. I really wanted to bungee jump now. But come back! Crash into me, will you!
As the sun rays slowly spread over the world, waking up birds twittering like crazy all around us on the hills, I waited with bated breath. The longest pause in my life.

Her face was shrouded in the shadows as she stood against the light, but as the golden splendor sped across the hills, it lit up. A slow smile brightened her features. I could feel the sun on my face, warm and nice. And then she nodded slowly, as her hands slipped effortlessly into mine. Snug and warm. No words needed. It was as easy as that. I could not stop smiling. Now I really wanted to do that jump. But not alone. Not anymore buster. I was in love!
We both stood on top of the hill, back to the world, completely suffused and ensconced in a comfortable camaraderie, oblivious to everything else but the lovely morning and the new storm that I knew raged both our fragile mind-spaces.

I don’t care what you think, but I am ready for that plunge today. Are you?

Starting Over Again

"Starting Over"

Someday soon,
I'm gonna pull myself together,
Win or lose,
I'm starting over again..

Start this day,
Like any other day,
Fold my hands,
As I begin to pray,
Sometimes we,
Gotta throw the past aside,
Come what may,
I'm gonna open up my eyes,
To all my broken feelings,
Its the only road I've known,
I just wanna say to you..

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same,
I'm starting over..

In days gone by, I was hiding from myself,
In all those lies, and the truth was hard to tell,
But I will try, to turn my life around,
I'll close my eyes so I can finally see..

The road to all my broken feelings,
It's the only one I've known,
I just wanna say to you..

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same..
You were my heart,
You were my soul,
You were my breath,
Til I grow old,
You were my blood,
You were my bones,
How could you ever leave me alone,

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same..
I just wanna say to you..

Maybe I wont feel the pain,
When you leave me one day,
Maybe it wont be too late,
When you need me someday,
Someone take me away from the one who betrays,
Things wont ever be the same..

Dont get me wrong, I love my life. and I am soo in love with Blood Stained Love Stories. am a sucker for them I guess Grin!!!